I heard a love song this morning which could have easily been any love song. The title of the song isn’t important but its sentiment made me think.
The singer sang that if he were to only have his partner’s love, he would be happy and could want for nothing more.
Now as lovely as this may sound to some, I disagree.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a massive romantic. In fact I probably have the Mumsy to thank for being quite soppy but I need more than just the love of my Smelly Boy to be the best human that I can.
Get a life!
Whilst I’m sure that it’s a very romantic notion to only need love (sorry John, Paul, George and Ringo), I believe that each person in a relationship needs to have their own interests outside of the partnership.
As such you will have individual interests as well as shared interests. How else do you create chemistry?
Surely once the initial spark of (sometimes) animal attraction has faded, what’s left?
I know that I’m at my best when I interact with people; I thrive on the energy of others (without sounding like a life sucking vampire!).
I enjoy solitude also but I love being around people. I’m an extrovert.
Smelly Boy on the other hand is an introvert. He tends to prefer personal reflection to a room full of people and that’s great.
We’re just different people. He’s an inny, I’m an outy!
What we do about it
Sometimes I spend time with friends and family with Smelly Boy and sometimes without him.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t love him, don’t love spending time with him or don’t want him to be around my friends. Not at all. But we both think that we profit from some time apart.
When we do see each other, we’re both energised from our time apart and we have lots of things to talk about. On the whole, we are nicer to be around and get on a lot better.
I think it’s also good to spend quality time with friends and family I’m just Kerry, not Kerry partner of Smelly Boy. Obviously that is part of who I am but it’s nice sometimes to spend time with just friends/ family and not their partners. Does that make sense?
It’s nice to see the people you love, in love and happy but sometimes you just want to be with your friend, no matter how much you also love their spouse.
What do you think? What works for you?
What about a career?
For most of us, work features heavily in our lives. Going back to the point about being an individual within a relationship, a career forms part of that individuality.
You’ll know that I recently left my job to become fully self-employed as a freelance presenter. My career is by no means the only thing that is important to me but it’s a large part of life.
It’s important for me to feel happy in whatever work I’m doing and to feel accomplished.
I’m an ambitious person and when I know what I want, I will achieve my goals. The Smelly Boy knows this and loves this about me. It’s lovely to hear that being passionate and enthusiastic about my career spurs him on to do the same.
It makes me proud!
I believe that there’s more to life than just loving your partner. I like to have my own interests, hobbies and opinions and like him to have his. Sometimes they don’t match up but we’ve not come across any show stoppers. It’s not like he’s cruel to animals or beats old people.
That’s not to say that I don’t worship the ground he walks on. He is my rock and has been from the first moment he entered my life (in a romantic capacity- I fancied him for about 15 years before).
At the time that we got together, lots of negative things happened in my life that came to a head within the first six months of our relationship. Whether it was coincidence or the universe telling me that I was in safe hands, I don’t know but Smelly Boy was one constant throughout.
He was amazing!
He was calm with me when everything was turbulent not least of all my head and although I was falling apart at the seams, he stuck with me and helped me through it. Without him I’m not sure how well I would have fared up.
I’m sure that I would still be alive but I wouldn’t be the person I am now and I have a feeling that it would have taken me a lot longer to recover.
When all around me was turning to the proverbial, he stood strong.
Maybe that’s what the mushy love songs are on about. Other things help to contribute to a great relationship but when the going gets tough, having those special one-in-a-million people gets us through.