I am what I am! And that can only get better…

Do you ever find yourself thinking that others are better than you?

I’ve always been prone to negatively comparing myself to other people, a feeling probably not exclusive to me.

During kidulthood (Kidulthood is a film that I’ve never watched but the title struck me as a great way to describe those pesky years between childhood and adulthood), I was rather anxious and lacking in confidence so I often looked to others to see how they were doing in the old life game. Obviously their way was so much better than mine!

If you're wondering how I got out of the 80s alive, I just don't know!

If you’re wondering how I got out of the 80s alive, I just don’t know!

I used to worry a ridiculous amount about whether I was as ‘cool’, fashionable or popular as my peers, was I getting worse marks (grades), was I uglier than other girls?

Unfortunately I’m sure that many teenage girls and boys (although it doesn’t miraculously stop after the growth spurt) have felt the same.

Instead of looking at the great things about being me, I looked at others and decided that they were doing things better.

I suppose that it’s a case of the grass growing greener on the other side. Professor Richard Wiseman makes a great point in his book 59 Seconds Think A Little Change A Lot. Although he’s talking of a different topic, I find it relevant to the subject of this post.

He says of regretting an action that has been done e.g. marrying the wrong person:

“The negative consequences are known, and although the potential for regret may still be substantial, it is limited. However, the situation is completely different when it comes to things that didn’t happen. Suddenly, the possible positive benefits seem almost endless.” (59 Seconds Think A Little Change A Lot pg 249)

Failing teen

Between the ages of 12 and 15, I was obsessed that I had never kissed anyone, not to mention that I was lacking in the breast department. Whilst this isn’t the world, to my teenage self, it was a huge deal.

Everyone was snogging at least at every other disco, accompanied by the bare minimum of a C cup bra. To have boobs and be kissing boys was what dreams were made of for my teenage self and anything else meant failure as a teen.

Shamefully I remained flat chested and un-smooched for years. Oh the teenage embarrassment, as you can imagine, was near fatal.

But time went on. I got that first kiss and surprisingly, found that it was worth denying myself an awkward tongue assault at a disco with a bunch of school mates pointing and giggling to wait for a nicer introduction to the joy that is a good snog! Who would’ve thought it?

Ok so it's more of a sophisticated fun. Friend's sixth form leaving ball 2003

Ok so it’s more of a sophisticated fun. Friend’s sixth form leaving ball 2003

And then when life really started to get good at around 17, you know… having friends, socialising, getting a car… well there came the chest. The joy was overwhelming I can tell you.

Yet one thing remained.

I was too busy looking at those around me and somehow believing that everyone else in the world was better than me. Smarter, prettier, happier, more blessed of chest.

Although I’m older, and would like to think wiser, I still occasionally find myself slipping into the old comparative ways.

I might get a moment where I think that I can never be as good as Joe or Jane Bloggs especially with starting up a business in the competitive industry of media but what I realise now (with the help life experience and an expanding horizon) is that I’m merely different to Joe Bloggs. I’m no better or worse.

I’m Kerry Leese and with that honour comes many brilliant and unique personality traits. Hoorah!

For one, I do a great running man.

running man- uni finish

The running man in motion. Pardon the lack of clothes, it was hot!

Additionally, when I do meet or hear of brilliant people doing amazing things now, instead of concentrating on feeling inferior, I make sure that I surround myself with those great people and learn from their awesomeness.

Failing that, I hope that it might rub off by power of osmosis!

Do you have any tips for focusing on the positives, or could you do with some help in doing so? Also, what makes you great? Maybe ask your mates and see what they say. You might be surprised how the world views you!


About Kerry Leese

20 something who loves to travel from Northampton embarking on a journey of self discovery. Ambitiously working towards a career in broadcasting. In love with her Smelly Boy and getting up to some random stuff.
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4 Responses to I am what I am! And that can only get better…

  1. Great post Kerry :-). I totally agree and identify with the feeling that others have it better than you! What I’ve found – however – is that once you start to express who you truly are, no matter what the fear of the outcome, those jealousies and insecurities start to drop away. Because you didn’t want what they Have, you wanted how it made them Feel. You wanted their confidence, because they were using their natural talents and ‘assets’ to their best, and once you start working with your own natural beauty, talents, assets, whatever it is – you learn to really appreciate and make the most of them! The Girl Next Door may have bigger boobs but I’m sure they’d be in the way of that Running Man ;-). Plus, I dunno about you but beauty really is more than the physical – I’d much rather hang out with someone who can do the Running Man rather than someone who spends most of the day in front of the mirror! x

    • Kerry Leese says:

      Thank you very much!

      How right you are! I definitely agree that it’s often the confidence and feeling of the positive that leads people to be insecure or envious.

      Here here, it’s all about being who you are and I love that comment about the bigger boobs impeding the Running Man performance. Rock on!

  2. ellenmbard says:

    Nice post – I love 59 seconds, it’s great to read a personal development book that’s grounded in science. I think we compare ourselves to others in all kinds of insidious ways we don’t even realise – I’m mulling over a post on it myself at the moment. Keep staying positive! 🙂

    • Kerry Leese says:

      Thank you for taking the time to read and for your kind comments.

      I can’t help but wax lyrical about the book. It gives so many brilliant tips without being pretentious.

      I’m that it could be argued that to comparison with others can be healthy in small doses but I think it more often does more harm than good.

      Thank you for your thoughts and I’ll keep an eye out for your post! My chin is firmly placed up!

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